Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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