GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
