I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Boobs speak an international language.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
