dude i'm inner monologue high
it hurts more in the daytime
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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