If that was your dad, he is hot
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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