coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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