Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
