Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
