I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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