You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
