saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
