I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
