im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
