i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
