i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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