Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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