I am puke
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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