I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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