Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
