Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
