Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
