I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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