its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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