I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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