I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
