i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your penis caused this!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
