ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
