you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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