im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
