My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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