i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
