Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
