To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
