Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You pole danced in your parka.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
