I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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