I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
