i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize