nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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