Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this hospital has no fireball
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
