Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Randomize
