i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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