i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
