you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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