there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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