i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
