I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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