I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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