she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we should paint friendship bongs
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