dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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