Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
