So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
