she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
