No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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