I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
