Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
