If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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