Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
