Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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