whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
