so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
