My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
