so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
