she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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