Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
