i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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