I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
