Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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