Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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