I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm both gender and math confused
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize