My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As shirtless as possible
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
