I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
